Worst case scenario: someday everything WILL be ruined and I'll look back on everything that's happening to me right now and laugh about how trivial it is.
And on a personal aside, it's shark week. See?
Monday, December 27, 2010
This is what happens when you believe in illusions
Best case scenario: someday everything WILL be ruined and I'll look back on everything that's happening to me right now and laugh about how trivial it is.
Worst case scenario: someday everything WILL be ruined and I'll look back on everything that's happening to me right now and laugh about how trivial it is.
Worst case scenario: someday everything WILL be ruined and I'll look back on everything that's happening to me right now and laugh about how trivial it is.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Maybe ghosts.
I'm eating Jimmy Johns on my bed and its totally awesome. I'm pretty sure I'm doing this because no one is here to tell me that I shouldn't. You'd think that getting avocado paste on one's sheets would be enough of a deterrence but the truth is that I just really don't care. Is that weird? I feel like my stepmother would have a heart attack if I told her this. I also don't believe in germs. Or starting new paragraphs with new ideas. Or the 'fact' that people eat spiders while they're sleeping. Or ghosts. Well... maybe ghosts. Jury's still out on that one.
Recently I've been feeling exceptionally alone. Which sounds depressing but I think what I mean is that I feel alone in the sense that I can pretty much do whatever I want. All the time. Even things that are bad for me, which I choose to do anyway. Call it an overwhelming sense of personal responsibility (or irresponsibility). I can stay up til 5 in the morning. I can go to bed at 9pm. I can eat Doritos for dinner. I can wear my shoes while I'm sitting on my bed. I can go for a run at ridiculously late hours, or walk to the park at 2am and sit there in the rain. I can form masochistic, undefined relationships with boys. I can smoke cigarettes. I can talk to strangers and tell them excruciatingly personal details about my life. I can be happy. I can be social. But I can also choose to think too much about everything I do, which I believe, ultimately, is my worst problem.
I think my point is that when you're alone, as I am, you have the ability to do whatever you want, so you do-- not necesarily because you enjoy doing all these things, but because they are easy and because, like I said, no one is there to tell you not to do them. I'm really bad at holding myself accountable for things. I probably wouldn't have the urge to do any of the aforementioned strange behaviors if I had a boyfriend or, say, lived with my parents.
Being alone is weird. I'm always trying to get perspective on things, but this one is hard. I'm always alone, and have been for a long time.
Will I ever see things, or see myself any differently, and how come I can't just see it right now..
Recently I've been feeling exceptionally alone. Which sounds depressing but I think what I mean is that I feel alone in the sense that I can pretty much do whatever I want. All the time. Even things that are bad for me, which I choose to do anyway. Call it an overwhelming sense of personal responsibility (or irresponsibility). I can stay up til 5 in the morning. I can go to bed at 9pm. I can eat Doritos for dinner. I can wear my shoes while I'm sitting on my bed. I can go for a run at ridiculously late hours, or walk to the park at 2am and sit there in the rain. I can form masochistic, undefined relationships with boys. I can smoke cigarettes. I can talk to strangers and tell them excruciatingly personal details about my life. I can be happy. I can be social. But I can also choose to think too much about everything I do, which I believe, ultimately, is my worst problem.
I think my point is that when you're alone, as I am, you have the ability to do whatever you want, so you do-- not necesarily because you enjoy doing all these things, but because they are easy and because, like I said, no one is there to tell you not to do them. I'm really bad at holding myself accountable for things. I probably wouldn't have the urge to do any of the aforementioned strange behaviors if I had a boyfriend or, say, lived with my parents.
Being alone is weird. I'm always trying to get perspective on things, but this one is hard. I'm always alone, and have been for a long time.
Will I ever see things, or see myself any differently, and how come I can't just see it right now..
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