also BACKLOGGED and newly titled "ughhh Karly is really emo sometimes but this is necessary to show the origin of this blog's wicked sweet title."

Sometimes i wish people would stop giving me hope.

I feel like I am perhaps constraining my life into crumpled mass of logic, which is keeping me from experiencing any kind of real joy in life. I excel at things that are easy, and steer away from things that are hard. People who takes risks always seem to obtain the unobtainable, but don't some of those people fail? They ruin things, things that are fine as is. Maybe that's my problem. Even "fine" isn't really doing it for me anymore. I need reckless abandon. Although I'm terrified this will lead me, eventually, to be like everyone else.

I just want affirmation from someone, SOON, that people don't always have to mess things up. I feel like I'm surrounded only by unconscientious, careless... children, really. I see remorse for bad action, which i suppose is comforting on some level... but i see bad action continue to happen, the same bad action over and over again. Simply put, I am a little depressed by humanity: not in an all-encompassing, "I can't get out of bed in the morning" kind of way, but in a repressive "everything is fine, nothing is ruined" kind of way.

Sometimes I honestly think everything is ruined. I never see enough good in the world to make me believe that everything isn't mostly bad. And if I feel this way...

why am i such a happy person? I have such a happy disposition. always. there is always something to laugh about, someone to talk to, some joy to be had from human interaction.

But sometimes i find it really hard to connect with people on a really personal level. Maybe because i don't know why i have to. I want to stop being alone, but I also want to know why I (or why anyone would) absolutely need someone else to affirm relevancy in the world. It's scary, only really caring about what one person thinks of you. who is this person? even more of a relative nobody than you are?

Then why are they the only thing that makes you happy, that makes you not care that the world is such a horrible place.. if only because they are in it.