We're gonna Blog like it's 1999!
After reading a few very important and official-looking articles about blogging, I've had the exciting revelation that blogging ("web-logging'') doesn't have any official rules. It's been around since 1999 [1], and it seems that no one has laid any prescriptivist rules about things like grammar usage and essay structure. Look at the beginning of this paragraph. I didn't indent, and no one even cares! Actually, I'm almost positive someone does. But... I don't. And this is MY blog, mmkay.
I've found that there are however, some common guidelines that people tend to follow. For example, it seems like the bulk of the blogging community uses the same page format, which is supposed to allow bloggers to "skim the blog quickly for useful information" [2]. This is assuming, of course, that all blogs contain useful information.*
*I assure you, they do not.
THE RULES
I have skimmed many blogs, amassing knowledge of these so-called guidelines in an attempt to follow exactly none of them. I'm about nine years late to the blogging party, and, in the spirit of redundancy, I've decided to write my first blog.. about blogging.
"Wait, a minute!" you say. "This sounds like it might be against The Rules. You can't blog about blogging."
I can't? Hmm. That's funny, because it seems that I'm doing it anyway. Maybe that's the appeal of the blog... you get the feel of publication without having to follow any of those boring rules.
You know, The Rules. Like the Rule that says you're not allowed to use sentence fragments. The Rule that says you're not allowed to end a sentence with a preposition. The Rule that says you're not allowed to type too loudly when you're roommate is trying to sleep at 4 in the morning.
I just made up that last Rule. I could only come up with two, and I just thought that, for the sake of rhythm, there should be one more. But that sounds too much like a Rule to me, and this is a blog. And I don't even have a roommate. So now I've confused myself, which definitely isn't allowed. Or wouldn't be allowed, if there were rules, which there aren't.
Ok.
Now that I've established that there are no rules when it comes to blogging, I'm going to do an incredibly stupid thing and give you some rules anyway.
I'm going to call them
RULES FOR A SUCCESSFUL BLOGGING EXPERIENCE
Rule number one: You don't have to follow these rules. I just told you, remember? Blogs don't have rules. However, if you want to have a SUCCESSFUL blog, you should probably follow my rules. I'm almost positive I know what I'm talking about. And right now I have exactly zero followers. This is not helping my point. Moving on..
Rule number two: Write about whatever everyone else writes about. DON'T blog about something new; you could say something wrong, and then you'd look like a real idiot.
Rule number three: Write extremely opinionated things so that your readers can leave nasty, anonymous comments about how ignorant you are at the bottom of the page.
Rule number four: When leaving comments, be sure to a make a lot of spelling errors and use a lot of annoying internet slang (OMG U made me LOL!). Under no circumstances should this comment be remotely relevant to anything discussed in the blog itself-- the goal is to make the reader think twice about ever having kids for fear of the slight possibility that they might turn out to be something resembling a 'you'. Gross.
Rule number five: When you end your blog, do something really funny, like leaving the last sentence unfinished. That would be hilarious! People will think that you were stabbed from behind, rendering you unable to finish your blogging. It's original, it's witty, and no one will ever wonder how you were able to click on the "PUBLISH POST" button before your head hit the keyboard.
Rule number six: Feel free to lie if it adds to the success of your blog. Who's going to know? A junior at Loyola Marymount University said that his blog, created with a group of friends, has lead to numerous job offers, and that blogs are "kind of replacing resumes as far as indicators of talent and past experiences"[3]. Since blogging has no rules, it wouldn't technically be your fault if a potential employer misinterpreted the integrity of the information on your 'resume-blog'.
Rule number seven: Make good use of sarcasm-- it's way more entertaining than anything else. And it's easy to spot, so don't worry about saying things that are wrong, politically incorrect, potentially harmful, or hilarious. For example:
"Britney Spears is a great mom"[4] or
"Zac Efron isn't tan enough"[5] or
"Feel free to lie if it adds to the success of your blog"[6].
[1] Leight, Joanne. "Lifting the Fog on Instructional Blogs." JOPERD- The Journal of Physical Education, Recreation and Dance 79.2 (Feb 2008): 52(4).
[2] Leight
[3] Young, Jeffrey R. "The Extracurricular Charm of Blogging." The Chronicle of Higher Education 54.35 (May 9, 2009): pages NA.
[4] TheSuperficial.com
[5] Zac Efron Please Stop Tanning
[6] ...do I really need to cite my own blog?
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