I'm talking about a lot of things here.

I WANT PIZZA
I just ran 6.5 miles (yeah, suck it winter. I can run. I can run SO FAR)
You know what I want to do? Eat an entire pizza. But I can't do that. Because people aren't allowed to eat entire pizzas. Even people who burned 840 calories on their run. Maybe 14 year old boys are allowed to eat entire pizzas. And, uh... Paul Bunyan. Isn't he like eight feet tall? Maybe he eats eight whole pizzas a day. But people with poise do not eat entire pizzas. Poise is awesome. More awesome than eating an entire pizza. I'm trying really hard to convince myself that that last sentence is true.

Anyways, when you're a piece of shit with no poise who is eating an entire pizza, you always feel like you're winning. I guess you're winning a little. Cheese. Meat. Garlic. WIN. But guess what, fictional person eating an entire pizza: You are not winning. You are about to feel like garbage. Real soon.

I'm talking a lot of smack. I've never eaten an entire pizza. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to do it anyway. I mean I've eaten a lot of pizza I guess. And maybe people who brag about eating entire pizzas leave out the crucial detail that the pizza was a small thin-crust, light-cheese pizza with like, lettuce on it. NEWSFLASH that is not "eating an entire pizza." Not in my book. Or in my blog. I don't even have a book. I keep lying about a lot of things.

TWO THINGS I WANT TO DO IN THE NOT-SO-DISTANT FUTURE

1. Actually eat an entire pizza. As I type this, I'm already chickening out. I'm afraid there's a really good chance I'll throw up if I do this. And I hate throwing up. I hate throwing up more than I hate tornadoes, bubbles, and most people. And that's saying something. Because I REALLY hate all of those things. Although when I say tornadoes I really mean any kind of natural disaster that I have no control over. Like volcanoes. I'm so terrified of volcanoes and I probably live 80,000 miles from the nearest one. Lava is scary, and it's fast, and sometimes, like on Land of the Lost, it's green. I'm really getting away from the point here. But it's ok because I don't even think it's an actual point anymore. I don't even want to eat an entire pizza at all. Maybe I'll amend to just "a lot of pizza." Just enough to hate myself a little.

2. Eat a peanut butter, bacon and jelly sandwich. Stop. I don't want to hear it. It's going to be awesome.


POISE
Whats up with people who have poise anyway? People who never do things that are weird or out of the ordinary that would be considered wrong or perhaps illegal. People who buy large items, like say, doors, that are slightly too big to fit in their car and don't realize it until it's not fitting in their car. What do these people do? I'll tell you what these people don't do. These people don't take the head rests off the front seats and shove the door clear up to the windshield and duck down underneath it for a 15 minute car ride home. These people don't drive around with hunched backs, making them appear eager to perhaps kidnap children or commit serious felonies. These people don't sit in the passenger seat slouched down with their legs on the dashboard situated in such a way that, If the airbag were to go off, their knees would become intimately acquainted with their eye sockets, perhaps permanently.

People with poise also don't let their Ikea bamboo die.

People with poise also don't leave for work 5 minutes after they roll out of bed.

God. I need some motherfucking poise.


SPAGHETTI
is almost as good as pizza. Almost.


THIS ENTRY
1. is losing steam 2. is having a lot of formatting issues and 3. is consequently, over.