These are drafts of letters i wrote to Key Bank. The first one is in a spirit of severe anger, one that I wrote in jest but its also probably the funniest, and the one I wish I had the balls to send. The second one is milder, but it's gold, and the one I actually WANTED to send. The third one I actually sent. It was limited to 1000 characters. Guess how much 1000 characters is? NOTHING. Because they dont want you to actually accomplish ANYTHING in your message to them. Fascists.
Anyway, the third one got me 36 dollars back, and a somewhat hilarious response detailing how irresponsible I am and how they're only refunding my money as a "courtesy." Whatever. I should post it maybe.
#1
It's the year two thousand ten.. So can someone please explain to me how it takes a whole week for a service charge (or several, for that matter) to appear on an online statement? You want to know why there were several? YOU DONT TELL YOUR CUSTOMERS RIGHT AWAY WHEN THEY OVERDRAW THEIR ACCOUNT. Im sure this is news to you, and I'm sure that it's a product of some huge oversight in your business philosophy that you will take immediate action to recitfy, and not because you're a bunch of greedy, immoral FUCKS.
Am I being too harsh? After all, you did give an immense effort to alert me about my problem. You sent me a letter by post that I received a timely four days after the fact. Extremely helpful.
It must be convenient for Key Bank that it takes longer to deposit money than it does to take it out or debit it from a bank account. And your mobile service? Texting is supposed to be an advanced and IMMEDIATE form of communication.. why do I get texts at 2:30am not only waking me, but telling me that purchases I made TWO DAYS AGO have overdrawn my bank account? Miraculously, this is even less helpful than sending notice in the mail. Do you need a reminder of the year again? 2010. Just to be clear. Barack Obama is president. In fact, in 2008 I received a text message alerting me of his official presidential nomination. This message was timely, although unfortunately, less relevant to my life than the status of my bank account. I bet Barack Obama doesn't get 48 hours-stale text messages from his bank. Also, I bet that he doesn't bank with Key.
I realize I am ultimately at fault here for taking out a sum of money that would have been irrelevant had someone not been waiting weeks to cash a large check I assumed had already been cashed. I wasn't keeping track. I was relying on your online banking to tell me the status of my bank account. Which I will no longer do of course, because it is egregiously awful, and because I plan on closing my account with Key Bank. I was going to call your 800 number and talk to someone about this, but I have a feeling it's going to be the biggest fucking hassle ever. Because it always is. Maybe I should just send you a letter. Do telegrams still exist? Well, look for mine soon. I bet it's your preferred method of communication.
Regards (definitely not good ones),
Karly M. Herron
# 2
I have been banking with Key for about 5 years now. My experience has been fine, except for a few incidents involving unfair overdraft fees for which I feel I am not wholly responsible. I know that banks throw out fines quite liberally in the hopes that people won't contest, but I do feel that I've been treated unfairly and I need this situation to be rectified.
In 2008 I was traveling in Europe and my father was periodically replenishing my account with money from another. Unfortunately, he lost track one day and I ended up overdrawing my account. This is 100% completely our fault. But when the overdraws kept happening, I overdrew my account by SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. For a responsible person like myself, this is not acceptable account activity, and I suspect Key Bank knew that and took advantage of my misfortune by not informing me by any convenient method. Fortunately my father was able to convince Key Bank to remove most if not all of the charges. This action tells me two things: First, that Key Bank does care about their customers. And second, that Key admitted they had messed up.
Unfortunately, Key messed up again, although this time I think the problem may be centered in your technologically-flawed online banking system. It's 2010. Online banking is supposed to be easy and convenient, but I find it to be sluggish and extremely misleading. How does it take a week for an overdraft fee to appear on an online statement? Other banks show ANY account activity almost immediately.. sure, it says 'pending' but it is there nonetheless. Whats the point of having online banking if the information never accurately reflects what is in one's account? If the point is to be misleading in hopes that people will overdraw their account like I did, then I guess you've nailed it.
You also offer a mobile service that makes everything seem like you're trying to help your customers, but really is as sluggish as the online banking. received a text TWO DAYS after I overdrew my account that told me my balance was -$44. I was at work. I couldn't do anything about it immediately. I could have done something.. two days earlier when it actually happened. Technology is supposed to make everything immediate! Do you need a reminder of the year again? 2010. Barack Obama is president. In fact, in 2008 I received a text message alerting me of his official presidential nomination. This message was timely, although unfortunately, less relevant to my life than the status of my bank account. I bet Barack Obama doesn't get 48 hours-stale text messages from his bank. Also, I bet that he doesn't bank with Key.
Overall, I'm concerned that Key Bank's preferred method of communication is by 'snail mail.' I received official notice of the overdraw a timely 4 days after it happened. Nice. I'm sure that as a competitive company in today's world of technology, you are aware that immediate methods of communication exist, you just refuse to use them to their full potential. And that's not fair.
As I said before, you messed up again, Key Bank, and I need the situation rectified, or I will take my business elsewhere. If the unfair fees do not get removed, you will have cheated me out of nearly $70. $70 to you is nothing, but to me it's the difference between paying or not being able to pay my rent this month without overdrawing my account again. But perhaps thats what you want.
Do not brush me off! If the receiver of this note does not have the inclination or authority to remove the fees, make sure it gets into the hands of someone who does. Otherwise, I'm going to have to call your 800 number, which is even more sluggish in efficiency than sending something by post, and, in which case, I'm going to be even more upset with Key than I am right now.
Your devoted customer,
Karly Herron
#3
I have been banking with Key for about 5 years now. My experience has been fine, except for a few incidents involving unfair overdraft fees for which I feel I am not wholly responsible. I've had fees removed before, which i take as an admission of Key's fault. And it seems you are at fault again. Because I am limited to 1000 characters, I can't fully explain my situation. Basically, you failed to inform me in a timely manner of an overdraft in my account. This has happened before. The first overdraw was my fault, but any subsequent fees are unfair and they need to be removed. Do not brush me off! If the receiver of this note does not have the inclination or authority to remove the fees, make sure it gets into the hands of someone who does. Otherwise, I'm going to have to call your 800 number, which is even more sluggish in efficiency than sending something by post, and, in which case, I'm going to be even more upset with Key than I am right now. Your devoted customer, Karly Herron
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