I really feel like I titled this blog trying to prove life wrong but now it kind of feels like life is trying to prove my blog title wrong.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I'm sick.

You know what I like about being SICK?
NOTHING. I like nothing about it. It's terrible and I don't like it all.

Check out all these numbered terrible things

1. You can't go running. Which is made 989,000 times worse by the fact that:

2. You have to sleep like a champ. I don't know if you remember this about me but not only am I NOT Camp Champ, I'm really not much of a champ at anything. At all. Particularly not sleeping. I slept for like 24 hours because I was TRYING to be a champ. And when I woke up I felt THE SAME as I did before I fell asleep. I WASTED A WHOLE DAY OF MY LIFE DOING SOMETHING THAT I HATE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO BENEFICIAL RETURN FOR ME. And I went through a lot of Nyquil.

3. Sometimes you buy things called "Cepacol" that you think are cough drops but they are really just mild oral anesthetic agents, so you pop them and start to panic when your mouth goes numb because you wonder why in the hell anyone would want this to happen to them. ever. Also it reminds you of going to the dentist which is terrible because your dentist is crazy and terrible and now you're panicking because you just remembered you need to get your wisdom teeth out YESTERDAY but you still haven't done anything about it and they are probably exploding out of your head as you speak (or sputter.. your mouth is numb, remember?)

I don't remember where I was going with all this but popping pills reminds me of how retarded medicinal packaging is most of the time. Being sick is pathetic. It really is. Your brain is all fogged and you're just so DONE with feeling crappy and you're on the verge of tears and the LAST THING you want to do is enter into a 15 minute war with the packaging that is separating you from happiness and rainbows and unicorns and whatever actually makes sore throats go away. So either you're tearing and poking and using your teeth to try and coax this magical pill out of its hole (that reminds you, disgustingly, of that issue you have with holes and pockets and toads and lotus-flower people), OR you go to pop the pill out of its pocket and it rockets across your car and wedges itself inbetween the seats, which is really the last place you want to stick your hand at the moment. Or at any moment really. So now you're confused, sick, and ashamed of how dirty your car is, about to cry and down one "cough drop" until you realize that you dont really need this "cough drop" anyway because all it does is numb your MOUTH, which is not an ailing part of your body right now. And then you accidentally swallow one, and decide that its fine because you can't really feel your stomach on a daily basis, anyway.

4. You can't even get drunk. This is the most cruel part of it all. You know that if you get drunk you will feel great for a few hours. But your body will not appreciate this at all, and the bacteria in your throat will thank you for weakening your immune system enough to let them continue the rager they are throwing in the back of your throat. Sigh. Someone please call the cops.. so that I can be healthy and get drunk in peace.


On a slightly related note, I AM THIS GIRL. Except I don't look like Justin Bieber and, for the moment, am not allowed to drink.